Bless you. False. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. What a niave view of a relationship. I still love my husband so very much. I thought the same of my family. I asked why she lied and she simply said she didnt want to hurt my feelings. There needs to be compromise and understanding on both sides. Not only this but you expect your ex husband to completely abandon his emotional connections he forged with your family? The issue isnt with you, it is with the family. Its odd that he feels comfortable enough to pursue a relationship with them as well. These posts confirm my feelings. Agreed completelythis family is very disrespectful, and I am sure he loves the foolishness of what they are doing (and the girlfriend too) it likely makes their day, SMH. He wants me back, now I do not even know if I want him anymore. I have since realised that they are all enablers cowardly, passive aggressive people with no conscience or sense of what true family is. But how long hes being depressed is much more important. You are too deep in the mud to see the mud clearly. Going luck. Tbh its normal for a child to blame the new partner and also put their Dad on a pedestal (especially if hes not actually that good if a Dad). Tell him to go to hell, especially since hes already moved on. Now its out of your control. I havent spoken to my mom in 4 years. You divorced him, your family didnt. Yes he can say hi, if he runs into them but that should be it. I wish they would just cut ties with my ex already. Meet Cordae, Miley & Liams Relationship Timeline Hit Me Like A Wrecking Ball, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. I did not see that you have talked to.your family or to him about any of this. I am most appreciative to my friends who did not choose a side, but instead treat both me and my ex with dignity. They have given him false info about me and my kids (some, i planted to see how long it would take for them to tell him!). Here are the 8 signs that he's still in love with his ex 1. He then changed the locks on our home leaving me with no possessions. Im focusing on my own life and will soon be transferring to a four-year university to obtain my baccalaureate in journalism. As for suggesting you to go to anger management shes gaslighting you making you feel as though you are the one with the problem. Were your sisters and/or Mom jealous of you? Shame on them. I have two sister in laws I am very fond of but if my brothers were to suddenly divorce I would feel sad but they would come first. "Or if you hold a business together or real estate together, or even pets together." I realize its a few years old, however, its a common problem when the ex remains too close to former inlaws well after divorce. I feel so much for you. I too have gone thru this and still am 3 years later! I never said they couldnt be cordial but when my ex husband is still in the picture 9 years after he left..and he wanted to separate, divorce. Your family shouldnt have let him do that. "name": "Does it hurt to see your family keep meeting your ex? I hear you Merrilyn, I wear your shoes. My suggestion is to start being extremely proactive. As your bf if there is any particular reason theyre so close to Nina. These kind of people know what to say but their actions are not inline with their words. No you are not being unreasonable! What ever happened to family loyalty. My heart aches for you. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. My sister is married to my husbands brother. This your X continuing to control and manipulate you in any way that he possibly can! God Bless You. Its been almost 4 years since I left my ex, and my relationship with my family has not really improved. What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. I got my answer, when Im no longer here. They have already booked and paid for the flights so I guess we are committed. This is almost certainly why they are not interested in or respectful of your opinions. "@type": "FAQPage", My ex was barely around during or 20 year marriage. Especially when my mom and sister know the hell I endured during my very dysfunctional marriage! You need to control your reaction. I had no idea he was at my sisters everyday after he got off work and got so close to them and it really was to make me look bad and him good. Now he doesnt accompany you anymore. To this day Im still dealing with the exact same situation youre in. I know this is an old story, but your children need as many people around them that are family as possible. Ive always been the outsider of this side of the family . and could be described as abusive themselves? His sister and his ex are spending more and more time together. They'll help reassure you, and perhaps the two of you can brainstorm a solution. In this case, you should be happy that hes being a good father. Its rocking me mentally, I have the same situation in my life with my siblings and ex. After reading this, I feel like you are someone I can relate to. You didn't mention his age. If you make peace with yourself and forgive what/who needs forgiveness you can embrace this with love, acceptance and gratitude. I see this is the old post but I HOPE someone answers! Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. First of all, is it even possible for exes to be just friends? Hi.. allow me to start my saying did I loathe stupid people. Your family is out of line. So Im done. He and I dont communicate much at all although I am very respectful when I need to email him, but my daughter says she thinks he hates me and there is evidence of that. "For instance, if your partner loves travel, and you don't and won't, and you see him or her enjoying this passion with an ex, you've basically given that ex a tacit invitation to interfere in your relationship," says Masini. But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. What Went Wrong? My mother knew well that my sister loves to blame ALL her troubles on anybody but herself. Give them a strong willed role model mother to look up to and respect. How have you found peace through this. Going to dinner with him somewhere for having them over on any given night is one thing but to have him over to a family holiday gathering is way overstepping the boundaries I feel. They denied speaking to my daughter. You are no being unreasonable. I not only lost her, but her kids were like my own. I wont keep my kids (older teen boys) from thembut I dont care if the boys choosy or see them either. I am sorry that you are being hurt this way. Its creepy that your ex and family think that it is ok to exclude you and choose him It seems like hes a manipulator and wants to get back at you. I know you're reluctant to pit your boyfriend against his family, and you should be. If she wanted to help him in the near future, I wouldnt be too upset. Theres nothing wrong with them still being friendly with your ex, but to take it to the point where theyre spending holidays with him and bbqs with him and hanging out all the time. Personally, I think when you have had direct experience with someone with a diagnosed disorder that you are less likely to toss about these terms so recklessly. They still justify their behavior and show no loyalty to me. The pain you are feeling now will be lessened with time. She stopped letting us see him about 2 years ago.. Your feelings are justified. I am somewhat recently divorced myself after 12 years of marriage and wouldnt dream or putting my ex in that position. Unless, he was a criminal, wife/child abuser, you have no right to ask everyone else to just throw him down the toilet like a used toilet paper after knowing him for at least (probably more than) 13 years. Dont let him sleep in your head rent free. You are kind of making things more complicated then it needs to be. They need to see your perspective. I think if he had been so great they would still be married. we have been dating for just a little over a month. The only valid reason for your reaction is if he is a bad person and did something bad, but them you wouldnt just let your kid with him. It sounds like you feel really isolated and that isnt fair, he doesnt get his family AND yours. OMGI thought I was the only one who had gone going thru this. I thought about calling them and telling them off but I figured it was a waste of time and just to completely write them off. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your pain. There is absolutely no acknowledgement of anyone elses behaviour being a problem just mine and this is the problem at the heart of all dysfunctional families you are not allowed to speak of the dysfunction but should it really be so surprising? No one would believe the truth about him, but my kids and I witnessed it all. I have come to the conclusion that he is a TRUE PREDATOR. My mom lived with us, a did my niece. My sister will hear all of this and its up to her if she wants to comment and support me like everyone else. I can totally identify and have dealt with some hurtful crap, too! While youre not exactly unreasonable to have feelings like this, it is unreasonable that because youve divorced someone that youre expecting your family to not communicate with them anymore. It makes you question your worth as a human being, if your own parent wont support you then you must be garbage right? They too are manipulating and judging. I left under police protection because I knew I wasnt safe. I just hope you can find a way to remain in contact with the little ones. In the middle of the divorce (which was terrible and messy, full of custody battles and terrible fights) she was invited to MY familys barbecue. My parents split and remarried me and my siblings were brought up with warring, immature adults and so unless people get ill or educated why should there be any need for enlightenment and change? But still NEVER be interested in her as a romantic partner again. He said he only stayed for a half a smoke. I have cut ties with my family in my heart because they are disloyal. It will help them to grow up to be more loving adults in the world. Your family needs major counseling! Be honest w ur family ur kids and urself Just tell them the truth that you are not comfortable around him and must set a new limit for ur own sanity. He wasnt a good father, never around. I totally understand where you are coming from! Because it ISNT normal for a family to do this! I love them all. @Brandon and @Rena. Its very tough to pretend. So if hes not willing to introduce you yet, it really means that hes not ready to replace her yet. Did they feel that you wronged him or cheated on him? My ex was very controlling and mentally abusive and more personal reasons I dont care to share. Perhaps instead of the wronged people being expected to do all the forgiving the enablers should take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and the part they played and ask for forgiveness themselves. This can include painting the ktber person as a bad parent, struggling to cope etc. My parents say Im holding grudges and i forgiveness but its far beyond that! Shes made our life hell for many years. There was no support or concern. I dont understand why hes still in their lives, they all know what I went through. They have never given me a chance, never tried to know me. First of all your sister is being unreasonable! I am a very private person. He doesnt provide health insurance to the kids anymore because he let it lapse too many times so we do it through my job. The most painful part of this whole subject for me as well as many of the others in this boat is that we have told our families how we feel. The irony of things ha! They need to back you up 100% and cut off all ties with your ex. It has happened to me so I just keep away from them. Did you ever think you were married for such a long time he wasnt only a part of your life but your families as well maybe if you want them to respect you you should respect them and allow them to process the divorce. You want your family to take your husband in like a family member. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. Family means everything to me, so I didn't hesitate to bond with my ex-boyfriend's family when we were dating. I am experiencing the exact same thing. Last night we had my sons 21st birthday at a restaurant. You cant make choices for your family or your ex. Get yourself a good man. My ex-husband is doing something very similar. Put your ego aside and be happy your kids and extended family is happy even though your not. We got a postcard after the wedding. And in the meantime, you can tell that hes not one hundred percent there. The selfishness and inability to look beyond yourselves baffles me. They are grown now and we have, for the most part put that behind us. My husband has a brother who sides with the ex-wife. He is an EX. I know this post is old, but I completely relate. My ex was emotionally abusive and a cheat, he took all my confidence away by belittling me constantly and was domineering and controlling. BOGUS. I have full custody of two of my kids and I am divorced. My family stuck by me, all ties cut! I have told him that its painful for me to see her accepted as a member of the family and that he still has a close relationship with her. After few family gatherings, I spoke to all my family members to kindly be sensitive to our situation, they dont have to invite him to All the functions. We use your sign-up to provide content in the ways you've consented to and improve our understanding of you. A joke. I think this is so not normal behavior and sadly am seeing here, I am not alone! My friends are my family now but it does hurt. I think that is the normal response and anything else is someone who likes drama, has no empathy, or in sick way makes them feel better about themselves. He would belittle all efforts made and made sure that I knew that everything else came before me. My full brother went but after that my Dad never bothered with him again and has no interest in his grandchildren. Family should be the first group emotionally support in that. And I personally have no problem whatsoever with him or his girl. Its incredibly painful. He hasn't yet introduced you to his family and friends 8. Perhaps noone agreed with your opinion because you are in the minority. Thats okay. I think you have to be in the writers situation to understand how messed up her family is being. easy to see the narcissist here. So the fact that hes depressed that his ex is dating someone else, doesnt really mean that much yet. This is my opinion. Looking back now I almost wished I had stuck in there and waited for him to slip up but I was so traumatised and felt so hugely betrayed and had already fled to be as far as possible from my ex. No sane man wants to make his girlfriend insecure. However, the situation youre in makes it very hard for you and your boyfriend to move on psychologically. I feel so frustrated that I actually Google to see if I can get a different perspective about the current situation I find myself in. And its up to you to make him aware of this . You deserve to have your family and he needs to rely on his. I feel my ex paved the way for them to think the worst of me and it hurts. The same goes for texting her. This man is a genius. His family NEVER once reached out to me and when we were getting a divorce I was a stay at home mom with two little kids with one of them being severely handicapped. My ex lives across the country with his new wife and our two adult daughters, who are going to college there. And when he was not in jail they would insist he be over for holiday dinners and occassions where our family would get together. If they are not fighting to keep you or at least meet you half way is it really worth the cost to your mental and physical health to fight to stay? He's Still In Active Communication With Her If the person you are in a relationship with has children from a past marriage; trust me, the kids will always be a reason for her to call him or vice versa. 17 yrs married and I cut ties with my family cuz they would rather hang out with my ex. Selfish, arrogant, and childish. Until it happens to individuals personally they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives with. Literally, they broke us up after the wedding date was set. Indeed uncomfortable! I wish you find some peace, soon. Someone who gets off on power and control. There is a lot of jealousy towards me from them. My mother in law never mentioned it, never said a word to my husband about it. When you havent been brought up with healthy love you tend to attract monsters. My sister was married for 30 years to my now ex bro-in-law. It was proven in court that she was a liar. Again I feel like there is alot of missing info. I feel like Im going crazy. He text her and said she was more than welcome to come around and hed explain the reasons why! The ex and I are publicly cordial. My familys happiness is way more important than some ridiculous grudge Ive held way too long to over an ex. I have 8 months to think about it but I dont know if Im going to wait that long I even told her why dont you just invite him for Christmas we get a divorce for a reason mine was because of mental abuse they dont get it nobody recognizes it they are manipulative he is one up all the time. I cant understand how his wife goes along with this, but its always his way. Disown your cousin it is non negotiable so no point in warning her, a snake is a snake- is a snake. when he first told me in bout 4 month we were going 2gether but he only pretended later i have it in a text he trick me 4 me 2 fall in love with him and that he was sorry later on. Lmao but I know that God isnt no one and Ive got him if no one else and that my ex is working for the devil to destroy Christians and have them turn from God. Just how much co-dependency and unhealthiness might be present in your boyfriend's relationship with his ex-wife cannot be ascertained, especially given only the information you provide. Your ex sounds . So, dont burn bridges.!!! Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. I thought I was the only one who has this problem. My ex comes from a big family (he is the youngest of 7) and his family lives close by but it is like he is trying to get back at me by ruining my family ties and hurt me even more by friending ex boyfriends. Its become a politically correct or Internet based personal diagnosis way to say someone is an ass. Many still kept in contact with me through online means.. but with time it faded, only those whom I had strong ties.. Have we managed to keep in touch. I see people taking about you being abused emotionaly. totally agree. She knew of all the abuse the ex did, the hell she put him through in the divorce, she financially ruined him, put him in debt $36,000. We arent friends but can get along enough to try to do whats best for our five kids. She had none of these issues. Theresa were you ever in an abusive relationship?! It is not his family anymore, he shouldnt come to family gatherings thats just nuts. My sister never comes to see me either so her point is completely invalid about that anyway. I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. It never gets easier. Could it be that this has something to do with it? Do/did you ever spend time with them outside of hollydays. 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The way for them to stop acting like children 2 years ago him in... Up to and improve our understanding of you can embrace this with love, acceptance and..

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